Anonymous Confessions

Hi,

I am a 29 year old, average looking man. I come from a middle class background though now we are doing well. I have a young sister who is settled with her job in Singapore. My parents are happy and have decided to settle in hometown near Darjeeling. I stay in Delhi and work in Gurgaon. I started my career as a developer and now I am leading a team who calls me Project Manager. I have around 6-7 different friend/social circle. I have been on and off with relationships and one night stands. I was an occasional smoker but now it has increased in recent times. I drink socially and mostly prefer scotch, mild!

I was never a shy being. I used to be a talk of town, way back in college. Getting involved with college events, late night parties, hanging out with new chick on the block were standards of living back then. I was a popular in my teachers and professors. In college times, I avoided falling into relationships considering I had a mountain like career and professional life ahead. Though, it never stopped me from indulging in harmless flirting. I never felt an inclination towards getting along with someone in any way.

I encountered my first sex experience when I changed my first job and was stalked by an office chick in one of the parties. She took me to her place and started chatting. She made all moves and I was resulted into a fact that sex is very over-rated. Being a first-timer, I felt no desire or enthusiasm to have sex again.

As I started witnessing my male friends getting laid every fort-night, I got concerned and started pushing myself into dating girls every night. I was good till the time date did not reach bedroom. In bedroom, I had to ultra push myself to get into drive and mood. Something was not happening!

I was too confident to not consider it medical. No ‘THE’ tool works!

One day, cab to office broke down. We had to take bus. I was standing in a crowded bus among all guys. I was immensely worried and was in continuous thoughts of last night.

The girl called me a ‘cold murdered body in bed’. I bloody did everything possible to please her. I even watched quality porn to perform the way she could be happy and satisfied. But she weirdly acted saying that she wanted to see me happy for once at least. She said she could not find me *even for one day* happy in making love to her. I thought to myself, is ‘what she is saying’ is true? I guess I have found my answer. Not happy. Making it worst, I was even avoiding conversation with myself over this.

I brought back myself from web of thoughts and started moving mind somewhere else. Bus stopped with a very strong jerk of break on road. I fell onto guys standing before me and so did the guy behind me. This took me to utter shock in my body. No not the breaks applied by bus, but the thing I felt on my back. I am highly ashamed to accept this in writing that yes, I felt eerily nice when a male body touched mine and unknowingly felt me.

Since that day, with quiet a shame I admit that I groped many male friends of mine without their knowledge. They thought we are having some fake physical fight after four pegs like guy friends. But I made my moves, felt nice, caught hold of what most I could. They never realised it while I never had a discussion with my inner self over this. Guess, I was totally happy to finally figure out truth with me and my sexuality.

Soon, the happiness peak was crossed and parents started suggesting girls for marriage. I was nervous to the core. I had to admit the truth before I ruin some girl.

I could never. I was never able to tell this to anybody. I finally lost my battle with myself only. I said yes for a very average looking girl from very remote area of my hometown, onto which my parents were not so happy. But, at least, that guaranteed my secret to be a secret for life.

I am now married for almost 2 years. My wife does not even know ‘S’ of sex. She gets happy with whatever little I do in bed post dinner. She assumes about my happiness too or maybe she gives a damn about it.

Anyways, I plan to have a kid by next year. That will keep her busy for rest of her life. I will make sure she is not unhappy with money and comfort. Meanwhile, I have got to know about this secret club from some of the friends who attended Gay Parade last year. I am joining the club this weekend.

Anonymous!

Life is good if you play smartly and avoid confrontations when you see mirror in the morning!